Moron's Guide to Writing Smart Characters

What makes a smart character? 

Is it their heightened vocabulary? Their interest in books? Their ability to cold read?

How many times have you seen a "smart character" in a TV show who when you think about it, actually aren't? They get simple facts wrong, or they do stupid things. 

I don't consider myself a particularly smart person, not that I'm a blithering idiot all the time either, it's just that most people in the United States are below the average IQ, and there's a good chance I very well may fit in that category. That being said, I still want to write stories with smart characters. So, how does one go about doing that?

Here are some ways, that I'm actually using for Patricius- who is hundreds of years old.

Witty Comebacks

One of the great things about writing a story is you have plenty of time to think of witty comebacks your smart character can use when being insulted. Chances are, in real life, when someone insults you, you think of a comeback anywhere between an hour to a week later. Real smart people can think fast enough to come up with a witty comeback immediately. So, one easy way to show your character's smart is the use of witty comebacks! Now, that being said, have your other characters run into the real world problem where they lose the battle of wits, either dismiss it and resort to "letting their fists do the talking" (if they're a warrior/barbarian character obviously), or come up with a witty comeback later that night while they're trying to sleep. Leave the witticisms to your intelligent character!

While we're on the subject...

Thinking About How Your Other Characters Compare

Don't tell your audience your character is smart. Especially don't let your smart character tell your audience how smart they are (rule of thumb: most people who think they're smart, actually aren't). Have your other characters do that! But don't just have them tell the audience how smart their character is either, have them ask the smart character for advice, let your smart person think of solutions and scenarios your other characters wouldn't.

Knowledge is Not the Same as Intelligence

I can't tell you how many times I've met a person who believed they were smart- and had a lot of knowledge in a certain subject- but were total imbeciles. Someone can be really good at memorizing facts, but when you put them in a situation that requires logical, outside-the-box, thinking, they completely shut down. It's so easy- and we've seen it in movies, where we're TOLD a character is smart because they read lots of books, have a high GPA, and know a lot of facts and completely make their professors look stupid- but when we see them play out as characters, they do stupid things! A lot!

Character Flaw!

Have your smart character be knowledgable in a few things, but when the group encounters a scenario that requires a different expertise, they might immediately look to the smart person to help them think of a way out of this... only to find the smart character has NO IDEA! An astronomer is not going to understand ancient runes very well. This opens the door to hilarious situations. If the smart person's arrogant, he will totally try to figure out the problem, only to have it backfire, or, if he's likeable "Yeah, not my department" to where the group has to figure out the problem together. 

Less is More

Introversion is commonly associated with intelligence. Sure, they're busier thinking about things than talking about them, but I think it's a psychological effect too. We might look at an introvert and imagine what's going on in their head. What font of knowledge or wisdom could they bestow on us? The fact that they don't say much makes us think they probably have a lot to say. Introverted people tend to have a sense of mystery about them. I'm not saying extroverted people aren't smart, it's just easier to write an introverted person as a smart character because if you're writing a character that talks a lot, you have to think about everything they say and how it could be smart. 

This is my favorite advice that a person much much smarter than me gave when writing smart characters. Writing intelligent characters is really hard to fake. Maybe you want your smart character to give some deep profound insight, but there's a good chance that someone smarter than you will read your story and not find said insight particularly profound.

Instead of having your character say "When you go out adventuring, listen to your heart and you'll know the way" instead say "There was a well of knowledge he wanted to pass on to her before she left on her travels, but he knew there would be no better teacher for her than experience." This lets your reader think of what that "well of knowledge" might be.

Most readers, let alone a smart person, can probably think of better nuggets of wisdom than you ever could!

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